Title: Her
Author: Felicia Johnson
Publication Date: May 22,
2013
Tour Host: Dreams Come
True Promotions
In many ways, Kristen Elliott is a normal,
seventeen-year-old girl. Kristen loves her family. She works hard academically,
and tries to please her mother. She takes on the additional responsibility of
caring for her twin siblings, Nick and Alison. She idealizes her best friend,
Lexus, who not only seems to lead the perfect life, but also catches the
attention of John, the boy Kristen secretly loves. However, as is the case with
many teenagers, Kristen feels frustrated, isolated, and confused.
In other ways, Kristen is not like other kids her age. She knows something is wrong with her. Kristen feels like an utter failure. She is unable to please her abrasive mother, and scared to confront Jack, her abusive stepfather. She is also unable to protect Nick from Jack, making her fell all the more helpless. Adding to her problems, she knows she will never be as beautiful as her best friend Lexus. Kristen finds solace in self-injury, and the company of Mr. Sharp, her imaginary friend who encourages her feelings of self-loathing.
After a failed suicide attempt, Kristen is placed in the Bent Creek mental hospital, where she is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. While in the hospital, she meets a group of peers suffering with their own mental illnesses, and a compassionate staff of doctors and counselors. From there, Kristen begins her journey to survival. She discovers the circumstances that brought her to this breaking point, struggles to understand her mental illness, and fights to be a survivor against her own worst enemy: her self-blame.
Kristen’s tale of endurance illustrates the complex illness of Borderline Personality Disorder. Readers – including those suffering from BPD and their friends and family – can glean insight into the illness from Kristen’s humanity. Her story is an example of how, if we try to push the past away, we are either doomed to repeat it or let it haunt us to our graves.
In other ways, Kristen is not like other kids her age. She knows something is wrong with her. Kristen feels like an utter failure. She is unable to please her abrasive mother, and scared to confront Jack, her abusive stepfather. She is also unable to protect Nick from Jack, making her fell all the more helpless. Adding to her problems, she knows she will never be as beautiful as her best friend Lexus. Kristen finds solace in self-injury, and the company of Mr. Sharp, her imaginary friend who encourages her feelings of self-loathing.
After a failed suicide attempt, Kristen is placed in the Bent Creek mental hospital, where she is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. While in the hospital, she meets a group of peers suffering with their own mental illnesses, and a compassionate staff of doctors and counselors. From there, Kristen begins her journey to survival. She discovers the circumstances that brought her to this breaking point, struggles to understand her mental illness, and fights to be a survivor against her own worst enemy: her self-blame.
Kristen’s tale of endurance illustrates the complex illness of Borderline Personality Disorder. Readers – including those suffering from BPD and their friends and family – can glean insight into the illness from Kristen’s humanity. Her story is an example of how, if we try to push the past away, we are either doomed to repeat it or let it haunt us to our graves.
Felicia Johnson is a writer, youth mentor, student, and big sister. She loves ice cream, and seeing her little sister, Laura, smile.
Excerpt #1:
Nick pulled the sheets off of me, and found me hiding. I was lying still on my back with my wrists turned up. Blood stained my sheets and ran down my arms and onto the floor. I could hear soft, mellow cries in the background.
“Is she dead? Oh, God!” His voice faded as I drifted out of consciousness.
There were many pills. There was a lot of blood. There was only one knife.
I could hear him crying for our mother. I could hear them both shouting and screaming. He was screaming my name. I was too exhausted to call out to him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. This pain was going to be over soon. Nick was crying hysterically. He wouldn’t have listened to me.
I felt weak, like I had all of the weight of the whole world on me. It felt heavy at first. The paramedic lifted me up and onto the stretcher, and without any support, my head fell back. I couldn’t move my head. I started to feel weightless when he laid me down on the stretcher, like I was floating in the air. It was warm and peaceful.
I didn’t hear Nick’s screams or the sirens anymore. I was surrounded by darkness.I knew this was the moment I had been waiting for. The pain was almost gone. I felt a big relief, took a deep breath, and let out a sigh. If I were left alone for a little longer, I might have completely fallen asleep…
There was pressure on my chest. The pressure was so hard that I could feel my heart moving without my having any control over it. Air was forcibly making its way down my throat and into my lungs. The paramedic was breathing into my mouth.
I blacked out.
I came back.
I blacked out again and was back in the dark.
Excerpt #2:
From under his strands of hair, I could see his lips shivering and his teeth chattering. He
hugged himself tightly and bunched his knees to his chest.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” I told Mr. Sharp.
He wouldn’t look up at me.
“Are you afraid?” I asked him.
He didn’t answer.
I felt the blood drip down my finger. I pulled
my hand out of my pocket, and the sharp butterfly
fell into the palm of my bloody hand. Mr. Sharp stayed crouched up on the seat. He looked at
my hand and his shivering lips would not give me that smile I was waiting for.
fell into the palm of my bloody hand. Mr. Sharp stayed crouched up on the seat. He looked at
my hand and his shivering lips would not give me that smile I was waiting for.
“What’s wrong? I need you! Help me!”He bit down on his lip and kept his head low. He
wouldn’t let me see his eyes. I pressed the sharp butterfly wing to my hand
and twisted the wing into my palm. I screamed in pain as I twisted and made the blood squeeze
out.
“You said you’d be there for me! You said you’d help me breathe! I need to breathe! Mr.
Sharp! Mr. Sharp, please don’t leave me!”
“You have to stop,” he whispered hoarsely.
“What?”
“You have to stop,” he repeated.
“I can’t! I can’t breathe. The ball keeps
turning, and it’s hard for me to breathe.”
Mr. Sharp turned away from me and, without opening the door, he stepped outside into the
pouring rain. He started walking towards thebridge that led to the highway. I began to open
the driver’s side door when Mom’s cell phone rang. I looked down and saw that Mom was
calling from her office. The phone rang continuously. She was calling because it was
after 3:00pm, and Nick had promised he would call her if I wasn’t there on time. I looked at the
phone, and then out the window that had begun to fog. Mr. Sharp was still on the path to the
bridge.
I slammed the door shut when I was out of the car, and I ran as fast as I could in the pouring
rain to get to him. When I caught up with him, he was at the top of the bridge, looking down
from the overpass.
Mr. Sharp kept his head low as he yelled over the noise of the traffic. “Jack was right!”
“No! He was never right!”“Yes, he was! You got what you
deserved, Kristen, because you failed! He’s going to
come back and he’s going to show you! You’ll see! She’s going
to take him back!”
“She wouldn’t do that!”
“Yes, she would, if she knew that it would get rid
of you! You are useless! You are ugly! You
are a loser!”
are a loser!”
“Why?” I screamed out to him.
A car horn honked loud enough to make me jump. I
had somehow walked out into traffic.
The car swerved and passed me.
Excerpt #3:
My father would probably have killed my
mother. Theresa probably would have still killed
herself, and I probably would have done it, too.”
“Were you scared?”
“At first I was. When I first got here, I thought I
was being punished. Now I see what being a
survivor really is. It’s not giving up. It’s not
running away. It’s getting through whatever it is
you have to get through to make it. It is allowing
you to grow stronger for whatever is coming
next. It is being brave and choosing to live
through it all so that you can share your story
and help others. That’s what a survivor does. I
don’t want to run away anymore. I just want to
live and make things better. My mom wants to
do the same. I tell you, Kristen, Bent Creek may
seem like the worst place to be right now, but
you’ll see. It’s not.”
He looked straight into my eyes and said, “I’ve
watched you.”
My heart started beating fast. He grabbed my
hand gently and looked down at my bandaged
wrists. His fingers traced the fresh tape that Ms.
Mosley had used for the bandages when she’d
changed them this morning. I closed my eyes
and let myself feel this moment between us.
“You seem so sad and regretful. You can’t just
let it out, can you?”
I shook my head. My eyes were still closed. I
felt tears begin to well up in them. There were
no words to describe that moment. His words
and the feelings inside of me were just too
much. The tears poured out from underneath my
eyelids. He squeezed my hands. I jolted, not
afraid, just feeling too much.“Open your eyes,” he said.
I did open my eyes, and his large, beautiful eyes
stared into mine.
“You know how the old people in here always
have something to say to us? And when they
talk, they think they know everything. You
know?” He chuckled a little. Then his smile
disappeared.
“There are things I keep hearing over and over
that I do believe, though. They sound old–
fashioned, and they are definitely cliché. But
remember this, Kristen,” he told me with his
seriously passionate stare. “This too shall pass,
and what doesn’t kill you will make you
stronger.” He paused. “If you let it. Keep your
head up and your eyes open. That’s how you
will survive. If what you go through doesn’t kill
you, let it make you stronger.”
Our 5 Star Review
I received and ARC of Her as a part of a blog tour.
I am not going to lie, I am having a very difficult time trying to find the proper words to use to write this review. I felt so many emotions while reading Her; curiosity, anger, sadness, empathy, distraught, relief, and happiness.Her was raw, real, intense, and seemed so spot on!Felicia Johnson was able to perfectly describe the manifestations of Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD)in a potential real life situation. The story seemed so real, like I was reading someone's diary that personally experienced this journey. Since I cannot find the words to properly describe this compelling read I will sum up the story for you.
Kristen was sent to Bent Creek after a failed suicide attempt. She is 17 years old and relies on Mr. Sharp for comfort, for release, and to breathe. When Kristen is sent to Bent Creek she has no idea what is wrong with her. She does not know why or how she cannot control these urges to hurt herself. Kristen is reluctant, angry, and scared when she first arrives at Bent Creek. However she quickly found that Mr. Sharp was there with her, so she felt comforted. As long as Mr. Sharp never left her, all was right with the world. Kristen was afraid to open up to her doctors and speak truthfully about the issues she was experiencing in fear of being judged. Little did Kristen know that the adolescents in Bent Creek as well as the doctors and counselors would be her main support to help her become a survivor.
As the story progressed Kristen began to open up to her peers, doctors, and counselors. She did not feel as alone when she learned that her peers were, are, and have gone or is going through similar challenges. A failed suicide attempt at Bent Creek really upset Kristen and taught her just how easily life can be taken from you when you do not have the ability to control, overcome, and cope with the manifestations of a condition. Kristen learned that life is valuable. However she was scared to perform a test that her doctor encouraged in order to find out what was really wrong with her. After the test, Kristen learned that she was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. She was terrified. Kristen did not want to accept or learn more about the condition. But Kristen learned that in order to survive, she must fight this monster from controlling her life. She started cooperating more and more in hope to one day leave Bent Creek. She felt rejuvenated. The day came where she was finally discharged from Bent Creek. Kristen soon learned that it was much more difficult to overcome the urges and control the condition when living at home in comparison to Bent Creek.
The story progresses around Kristen's life at home after diagnosis. It shows the daily struggles that Kristen faces. It shows moments of weakness and also moments or triumph. At times you are able to see just how badly Kristen is affected by BPD and other times where you can see how Kristen is learning to survive and accept the condition. No matter how hard Kristen tries, she feels that her mother will betray her, Allison, and Nick. She is terrified about the fate of her step dad and if her will be release from prison on parole. Kristen has never allowed herself to cope with what her step dad did to her brother when he was eight. On Kristen's 18th birthday she goes and sees her doctor at Bent Creek. He encourages her to face her demons surrounded by Jack the monster. He tells her that the only way to cope is to face her fears.
After Kristen left Bent Creek is when the plot twists and the unexpected happens. However Kristen has now learned that her family is there for her and that she is loved, important, accepted, and wanted.
This is such an amazing story. If you are interested in learning more about BPD, then this is the book for you! I feel that the author has taken the condition and perfectly wrote a story about the challenges one can face that suffers from the condition. Well done! I feel that I have learned a lot about the challenges people face everyday. Please read this book, it is amazing.
I am not going to lie, I am having a very difficult time trying to find the proper words to use to write this review. I felt so many emotions while reading Her; curiosity, anger, sadness, empathy, distraught, relief, and happiness.Her was raw, real, intense, and seemed so spot on!Felicia Johnson was able to perfectly describe the manifestations of Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD)in a potential real life situation. The story seemed so real, like I was reading someone's diary that personally experienced this journey. Since I cannot find the words to properly describe this compelling read I will sum up the story for you.
Kristen was sent to Bent Creek after a failed suicide attempt. She is 17 years old and relies on Mr. Sharp for comfort, for release, and to breathe. When Kristen is sent to Bent Creek she has no idea what is wrong with her. She does not know why or how she cannot control these urges to hurt herself. Kristen is reluctant, angry, and scared when she first arrives at Bent Creek. However she quickly found that Mr. Sharp was there with her, so she felt comforted. As long as Mr. Sharp never left her, all was right with the world. Kristen was afraid to open up to her doctors and speak truthfully about the issues she was experiencing in fear of being judged. Little did Kristen know that the adolescents in Bent Creek as well as the doctors and counselors would be her main support to help her become a survivor.
As the story progressed Kristen began to open up to her peers, doctors, and counselors. She did not feel as alone when she learned that her peers were, are, and have gone or is going through similar challenges. A failed suicide attempt at Bent Creek really upset Kristen and taught her just how easily life can be taken from you when you do not have the ability to control, overcome, and cope with the manifestations of a condition. Kristen learned that life is valuable. However she was scared to perform a test that her doctor encouraged in order to find out what was really wrong with her. After the test, Kristen learned that she was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. She was terrified. Kristen did not want to accept or learn more about the condition. But Kristen learned that in order to survive, she must fight this monster from controlling her life. She started cooperating more and more in hope to one day leave Bent Creek. She felt rejuvenated. The day came where she was finally discharged from Bent Creek. Kristen soon learned that it was much more difficult to overcome the urges and control the condition when living at home in comparison to Bent Creek.
The story progresses around Kristen's life at home after diagnosis. It shows the daily struggles that Kristen faces. It shows moments of weakness and also moments or triumph. At times you are able to see just how badly Kristen is affected by BPD and other times where you can see how Kristen is learning to survive and accept the condition. No matter how hard Kristen tries, she feels that her mother will betray her, Allison, and Nick. She is terrified about the fate of her step dad and if her will be release from prison on parole. Kristen has never allowed herself to cope with what her step dad did to her brother when he was eight. On Kristen's 18th birthday she goes and sees her doctor at Bent Creek. He encourages her to face her demons surrounded by Jack the monster. He tells her that the only way to cope is to face her fears.
After Kristen left Bent Creek is when the plot twists and the unexpected happens. However Kristen has now learned that her family is there for her and that she is loved, important, accepted, and wanted.
This is such an amazing story. If you are interested in learning more about BPD, then this is the book for you! I feel that the author has taken the condition and perfectly wrote a story about the challenges one can face that suffers from the condition. Well done! I feel that I have learned a lot about the challenges people face everyday. Please read this book, it is amazing.
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